The verse “come not near to fornication” warns people not to try to commit acts that pave the way for fornication. By considering this, in what way should I tell this verse to my husband?
A Brief Description of the Question:
Assalamu alaikum Wa Rahmatullah, I need guidance, I have been married for 8 years and I love my husband very much and we have 2 boys and now I'm 7 months pregnant but the problem is my husband's attitude towards me, and the life is becoming unbearable for me. He watches pornographic materials on the internet, and I have caught him while masturbating. I have repeatedly forgiven him as he promised me not to do it again but recently, I saw him again while he was chatting with a woman. What should I do?
The Answer:
Islam is a religion that follows the middle way, away from extremes. Therefore, if we go to the extremes in our judgments, we will deviate from the truth and distress ourselves more than necessary.
First of all, visiting pornographic websites is not equal to fornication. Although different kinds of fornication like “the fornication of the eye, ear and hand” are mentioned in hadiths, they are not fornication in the real sense. If they were the same, the punishment for them would be the same as the punishment for fornication. The bitter expressions in the hadith aim to guide people because to look at haram with lust, to listen to obscene talks and to touch a woman deliberately with one’s hand are acts that lead to fornication.
The verse “come not near to fornication” warns people not to try to commit acts like that which pave the way for fornication.
Therefore, the judgment you will give about your husband should not be more severe than the judgment of Allah. To judge him with that imaginary crime of fornication and to ignore your duties towards him are not nice acts; on the contrary, they may make you responsible.
You need to act more flexibly in order to protect your husband from those ugly acts and to save your family life. You can sometimes tell him using sweet words to fear Allah if he is a person that performs prayers. You need to prove that you are not hostile to him, that you still love him and that what you are doing is for his goodness in order to be able to say it. It depends on maintaining your friendly attitude. His sin will not harm you if your intention is sincere. The fact that the wives of Hazrat Noah and Hazrat Lot were together with deniers confirms that what we say is true.
If he is a person that can tolerate the following sentences, it will be useful to remind him the following truths: “How will you stand in the presence of Allah after watching a pornographic film? Allah, whom you believe in, has control over everything (sees everything) with His infinite knowledge. Is it suitable for a married man to fall into a dirty pit like that? Woe on a husband that commit things that will make him lose his wife in the hereafter. A person who commits such ugly things does not have any respect for himself. A person who has no respect for himself has no right to expect respect from others. The Quran informs us that all of the concealed secrets will be disclosed on the Day of Judgment. If a large screen is opened and it shows the Gathering Place in the hereafter and if people and especially that person’s relatives, parents, children and friends see the ugly acts of that person, what will that person who believes in the hereafter do there? The only way to be protected from it is to repent and ask for forgiveness. A person may die any time and it will be too late when death comes; then, the last repentance will not do any good (it is no use crying over spilt milk)” How to tell him those sentences or who will tell him about them depends on your skill and foresight.
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