Youth and Friendship
Friendship and brotherhood are of great importance in man’s life. There are such friendships that they affect a person’s whole life positively or negatively; furthermore, this may cause a person’s hereafter to be either good or bad.
Since people need the help and cooperation of one another due to their nature, there are rarely any people who do not have any friends. A person who has a social life must have a community where he belongs, and sincere and intimate friends.
The necessity for a friend is of more importance especially during the youth because people who establish new relationships especially spouses and children at advanced ages may become unable to give importance to friendship as much as they did during the youth.
However, the youth who always complain about not being understood and live the stormiest period of their lives need a social circle which they can share their sorrows and pleasures very much.
For this reason, they establish friendships with youths whom they find close to themselves in the street, school and workplace. They are attached to them so much that they share many material and spiritual properties with their friends and have a strong liking for them; they even sacrifice their lives for them.
Here, the most important point to be considered is to decide “what kind of a friend to have.”
The glorious Prophet (PBUH) who warned the youth in every subject said the following about this subject: “A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so be careful when you choose your friends.” (Tirmidhi, Zuhd; 45)
What is meant by “being upon the religion of your close friend" is the condition of “practicing the religion.” In fact, a good friend encourages his friends to do good things; however, a bad friend leads his friend to commit sins.
As a matter of fact, our glorious Prophet (PBUH) said the following about this subject in the hadith which was narrated by Abu Musa (R.A):
"A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least, you will smell the fumes of the furnace."
The glorious Prophet (PBUH) who advises about whom we should befriend said the following in a riwayah narrated by Said al-Khudri (RA): “Do not befriend but a believer and let only pious people eat your food” (Tirmidhi, Zuhd: 55).
What we should understand from the expression of “believer” here is that a perfect believer who has belief in Allah properly. A perfect believer performs the orders of Allah and avoids harams. As a matter of fact, the words that come after “pious people” and “believer” have been explained.
Why is the subject of friendship very important?
For, “A person will be with whom he loves.” (Tirmidhi, Zuhd: 50) When a young person befriends someone, it is certain that he loves him very much. After all, he will not befriend someone whom he does not love. Thus, he will be with the person he loves both in this world and in the hereafter.
A youth who spends his life with worship and obedience to Allah, is with his friend in the service of belief and Qur’an, will benefit from the benefactions of Paradise together and immortalize their friendship.
If two friends are together while rebelling Allah, and in the pursuit of fancies and pleasures, harmful and useless entertainments, then God forbid, they will be together in Hell and share the same environment.
Our glorious Prophet (PBUH) showed the best example of friendship. All Companions foremost Abu Bakr (RA) became his friends, showed a strong interest in him and sacrificed their lives and property.
Besides, “companion” means friend. Companions presented unmatched examples of friendship and brotherhood and showed perfect examples of love and respect, self- sacrifice and devotion.
In fact, a believer is a friend of another believer since they are brothers. In other words, our religion orders any believer to show the favor and support to his believer brother which are expected from friends.
The Apostle of Allah (PBUH) said the following in a hadith which was narrated by Abdullah bin Umar (RA):
“A Muslim is the a brother of another Muslim; so, he should not oppress him, nor should he leave him alone. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection." (Muslim)
The two necessary requirements of friendship are emphasized in the hadith given above. One of them is fulfilling his need, the other is screening him. Besides, doing the opposite, that is, not helping when necessary or revealing flaws are the most important illnesses that kill friendship.
Being pleased with the bad situation of your brother kills friendship, too. The following hadith which is narrated by Wasila bin Asqa (RA) is exemplary:
“Do not show happiness during the bad days of your brother; otherwise, Allah almighty shows mercy on him and gives the trouble of him to you.” (Tirmidhi)
So not putting the requirement of brotherhood and friendship into action and even being happy because of his trouble will show its bitter result in this world, too.
The following hadith which was narrated by Muaz bin Jabal (RA) repeats the same meaning:
“A person who criticizes his brother/sister for his/her sin will not die before he commits the same sin.” (Tirmidhi)
A believer should not despise his brother and friend but give value to him. The following hadith is full of lessons that show how a big sin to despise your Muslim brother:
“The property, honour and blood of a Muslim are haram to another Muslim. It is enough evil for a man to despise his Muslim brother.” (Muslim, Birr: 43)
Despising your brother is a sign of arrogance and conceit; it is the result of haughtiness. However, a dignified Muslim does not love his soul or become haughty but always sees his brother superior to himself.
The nourishment of brotherhood and friendship is love, unity and help. What kills it is looking for flaws, being offended and leaving your friend.
The glorious Prophet emphasized the problems that destroy friendship in the following hadith: “Hate not each other, nor be jealous of each other, and do not stop communicating with each other. O Allah's servants! Be brothers to each other. A Muslim is not to leave his brother more than three days.” (Muslim, Birr: 7)
Backbiting is another thing that kills friendship. Criticizing your friend or brother when he is absent and telling things of what he/she does not like to hear. The following riwayah which was narrated by Abu Hurayrah (RA) is very remarkable.
“Do you know what backbiting is?
They said, "Allah and His apostle knows”.
“Mentioning your brother with something that he/she does not like.”
“What would you say if the thing I say existed in my brother?”
“If the things you say about him/her exist in him/her, then, it means that you have gossiped. If it does not exist in him/her, then you are regarded to have slandered him/her.” (Muslim, Birr: 20)
May our Lord let all our youth become friends with good people and work for the religion of Allah in this world and be neighbors in Paradise.
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